Archive for December, 2006

Happy Holidays!

December 20, 2006


Happy Holidays! I have been inspired by the Yarn Harlot and this post. So, in honor of Doctors without Borders, I am selling one of the purses I made this year and all proceeds will go to this worthy organization. The bag farthest to the left is the one that I am selling. I will take the highest offer that I get between now and January 1st.

I will let everyone know who bid the most (unless the buyer wants to be anonymous) and I will donate the money in their name.

Please feel free to email me with any questions and please email me your bid (kimborchertATgmailDOTcom)

Missing Emma

December 18, 2006

This time of year causes me to think a lot. Really important moments in Emma’s life I remember. I remember the day I had my baby shower (November 23), the day I found out she was breech (November 22) and how many weeks pregnant I was (34…she dropped at 33 weeks). I can tell you what I did the day before she was born and the day she was born. I can tell you that 4 years ago today I was still in the hospital, we went home on the 18th. When we got home from the hospital there was a big banner on my garage door, from my old roommates, welcoming Emma home. I remember things that I did with Emma, just every day things…I am glad for that. However, sometimes it is hard. I remember what I did on my birthday, the one birthday I had with her alive. I think it’s because when she died my everyday life was not so everyday. I had to search my memory and burn those memories. I don’t want to forget anything.

So, here are some things I miss about Emma. I miss the way she smelled. I haven’t used the same baby wash on my other kiddos that I used on her…I just can’t. I miss smelling her and kissing her neck. I miss the way she would smile so easily. I miss that she had my eyes. Of my 3 children she is the only one that looked like me. I miss that she would crawl up to me in the morning and whisper and play with my face to wake me. I miss that I could calm her by singing to her. I miss watching her crawl and try to find me. I miss her squeal of joy when she saw her Daddy. I miss her little voice saying, “dadadadadada”. I miss those eyes. I miss the way she..oh I just miss her.

I often wonder if I will forever have this hole in my soul? This hole that only Emma can fill? Will every wonderful moment be overshadowed for me by the fact that it would be better if Emma were there? If she were there with me? That is how it is right now. Every time something wonderful happens, I grieve for my Emma. When Seth and Amelia were born, I was thrilled…but shortly after, I cried that their sister didn’t get to be here in the flesh with them. I know she was there when they were born, I felt her. But, I really do wish they could all grow up together.

Ugh..it’s late, the kids will wake early, I better go to bed…I am just missing Emma.

Our Day

December 16, 2006

So our day yesterday…ugh, it was hard. Seth decided at 6:45 that it was time to wake up. He came into my room and turned on the light and woke up not only myself, but Amelia (who usually sleeps until 10 or 10:30!!). I was NOT happy. I got up and was just a mess. I really wanted to sleep as much as possible so I didn’t have to deal with the day yet…but that didn’t happen. I woke up and just cried and cried and cried. Jeremy felt so bad that he had to go to work, but he’s so new at this job that he really needed to go in. So, he left, I changed diapers and eventually got Amelia back to sleep. I was pretty weepy the rest of the morning. Then, I needed to get out of the house. So, my friend Nicole and I went to lunch. We took our kiddos (she has a little girl who is Emma’s age – I love that girl!) and that was really good for me. Then we went to a great consignment boutique here and dreamed of cute clothes for our kiddos. I found a dress I would have wanted to get for Emma. Then, we went home, I changed diapers, knit and let Winnie the Pooh babysit Seth (thank heavens for the library having the Pooh movie!). Jeremy got home around 3:30 and we got packed up and went to Kaysville (where she is buried). We went and got balloons, I don’t remember how many, but lots of pink and white balloons. Seth was very cute saying that Emma would run and catch all the balloons. He thought she’d like them a lot :). We sent her balloons in heaven and sang happy birthday. I have yet to be able to get through that song without crying on her birthday. Then Jer put new flowers in her vases and we went to dinner. We had her picture on the table with us, I am sure the server was curious why we had a picture of a little baby girl on the table Then we went to my brother’s and had pie with he and his wife. We didn’t make it to the store to drop off her presents for Toys for Tots, so Jer and Seth are doing that today.
On the way home from my brother’s, we were driving by an ambulance. I hate ambulances more than anything. It got me thinking about the day she died and I just lost it. I cried for about 20 minutes of our drive home. Then, we got home, got Seth in bed and I sat down and cried some more. I was really glad to go to bed last night and have the day over. I just can’t believe that I have a 4 year old child. That blows my mind. It probably blows my mind the most because I have no idea what my life would be like with her here. I sometimes wish that I could have the “It’s a Wonderful Life” experience and be able to see what my life would be like if she were still here…if wishes were pennies…
Anyway, thank you all for your kind thoughts, prayers and hugs, I really appreciate it. Another year has come and gone and I am still alive. I have 2 beautiful earth bound children and one beautiful angel…so I guess things aren’t too bad.

Here is something I made this morning for Emma. I should be cleaning, but I am just missing her so much and this has helped a little bit.

Happy Birthday

December 15, 2006

Happy birthday to my sweet Emma. Today is your 4th birthday. I can’t believe it’s been so long since you were born. It truly seems like yesterday. I love you and miss you sweet girl.
xoxoxo, Mama

My Michelin Baby

December 13, 2006

Here is my fatty girl!!! She is just so cute and happy. Amelia laughs so readily and is starting to sit up too. She sits for a bit, and will even get up on her knees, but really she likes to
just roll around and scoot on the floor! 🙂

A Christmas Party!

December 13, 2006

Seth was invited to his first Christmas party this week! We went to his friend, Diedrik’s, house and had a messy party!! The kids made sugar cookies and frosting and then got to frost them all. When the kids were done, Santa came!! Seth had so much fun and had a lot of fun talking to Santa too! I was afraid that he would be scared, but he wasn’t at all. He even gave him a hug when he left! Here are some pictures of my babies!!!

Notice he is looking down and smiling? He was so excited to have this little whisk, he didn’t take his eyes off of it!! He cracks me up!

Welcome to Christmas

December 8, 2006

We got a small tree last night (3 feet to be exact) and Seth is in love with it!! He keeps telling us, “Welcome to Christmas!” when we come in the room with the tree. He is going to make Christmas lots of fun this year, I just know it! 🙂

One more thing…

December 3, 2006

Seth is getting all 4 of his 2 year molars right now. When they start to hurt he says, “Mom, my tooths is coming out.” That is how I know he needs some more motrin. He is so funny in how he describes things!!

A Conversation with Seth

December 3, 2006

I swear, this child is 2 going on 20!!! Here is a conversation I had with him yesterday –

Me: What do you want to get Daddy for Christmas?
Seth: Um, a new iPod. He needs a new iPod.
Me: Daddy needs a new iPod? He just got one in May!
Seth: Yes, and I need a new iPod too. We both need new iPods.

As I was recounting this to Jeremy later, Seth reminded me that he needed a BIG iPod, because he was big. He is such a nut!!